I left out a big part of our trip to London in my last blog, because I felt it deserved its own post.
Yes. It’s that frickin awesome.
When we were walkIng from Borough tube station to the Tate Modern, I got a text from my mum. With the words that are enough to strike fear into a grown woman’s heart.
“Can you call me please?”
Oh crap.
My first thought is: “I didn’t do it.” Whatever ‘it’ is, it definitely wasn’t me. My second thought is: “Has something bad happened?” But both these thoughts quickly disappear, as I turn to the real worry. “What has Mort done?”
I quickly call her. And I hear “Now, don’t be mad…”
YES. Whatever it is, it isn’t my fault.
Turns out mum needed have worried. Because she’d only gone and done the best blimmin thing ever. Her and my dad and sister had achieved the impossible.
They clipped Mort’s claws.
I can’t even begin to put into words what a nightmare it is trying to clip Mort’s claws. He’s never been a huge fan, but the problem with Mort is that he is too flipping clever and his memory is too good. So every time, he remembers what claw clipping is. He remembers he doesn’t like it. And then he remembers that he REALLY doesn’t like it. And then he remembers to get angry.
We’d tried everything. Putting a tea towel over his head. Making a makeshift muzzle with a piece of bandage. Cuddling him and whispering soothing words into his ear. None of it worked. He still turned into a rabid, frothing, ticked off beast.
At Crufts we decided enough was enough. We turned to the experts. A nice man sold us a contraption that apparently was a ‘miracle worker’. I can’t remember for the life of me what this thing is called, but I’ve come up with my own snappy name for it.
A big lying piece of plastic.
According to the nice man, this spinning nail-file type thing is practically silent and gently grinds the claw down. Apparently it is amazing – it works on really nervous and aggressive dogs. The box had a picture of an intimidating Rottweiler on it, just to prove it.
Turns out salesmen lie. Who’d a thunk it?
The minute I got this thing home and pressed the on-switch, Mort ran from the sofa, to the top of the garden, and hid shaking under a tree until I had hid the whirring monster somewhere safe.
We tried several times, thinking that he might just need to get used to it. But every attempt inspired varying degrees of utter terror, so we gave up.
And I slightly gave up hope. I began thinking that his claws would start to curl round, and we would end up one of those terrifying animal related stories that pop up every day on the Daily Mail website.
So how did my family do it? Witchcraft? Black magic? Voodoo?
They took him to a groomers.
That’s right. They took him to an actual stranger. As we all know, Mort isn’t massively keen on people he doesn’t know. I hate to break it to you all – if he met any of you in the street, he would give you a verbal dressing down. Maybe he didn’t like they way you walked. Maybe it was the way you talked. Maybe it was your face. Either way, if you’re a newbie, you end up knowing just how much Mort believes in the phrase ‘stranger danger’.
I thought introducing a foreign person to the mix would make the situation worse. Turns out I completely underestimated how good groomers are. This lady knew what she was doing: muzzle on, claws clipped, done. No messing.
What. A. Relief.
And check out those trotters! Puppy looks sharp.
And a big thanks to my family. As a sign of my appreciation I’m going to give you all a special present. You get to take Mort to the groomers every time he needs his claws cut!
No need to thank me.
LOLOLOL I know all that x’s 4.The screaming and heartrending looks just to keep from being put on the table!?! But it is all about the professional groomers who have them in and out in a couple of minutes. It is truly priceless Mort is so handsome and his pedicure is lovely!
Lol…..that is Puchi all over. I have never been able to clip his nails- and ive tried the ‘whirring beast’ as well! He was like, Uh….what the heck do you think you are doing getting near me with THAT thing? So far there are two places we go, both vets offices that also do grooming and dont take him into another room without me! He acts worse when im not there with his snapping at strangers, shaking like a leaf and lets not mention the ‘accidents’. Shameful! I also dont care for those ‘call me’ texts! I am forever thinking either something horrible has happened or i’m in some kind of trouble!
Mort looks lovely with his freshly trimmed toes!
Mort, your feet look stunning! How can you get any more fabulous!?? Since I work as a therapy dog, my nails get trimmed once a MONTH! I don’t mind it though. I lick the groomer so much he can barely see what he’s doing. When he works on my back feet, my tail smacks him in the face over and over. The poor guy takes a beating, but somehow, he gets the job done. Mom says, “Better him than me!”
Love and licks,
Cupcake
Mort! You look amazing, Darlin’! A stranger, eh? I have one (Milo) who doesn’t mind the big lying piece of plastic aka Ped-i-paw as long as we are singing “I Wanna Be Like You” from The Jungle Book. (seriously… sing to him and all is well)
Dixie? Well, she will be entering the guiness book of world records soon with the longest dachshund toenails in the history of mankind… she doesn’t like ANY clipping of any kind. Perhaps a little strange might make it better for her.
Thanks for the giggles!
I have found that the process of clipping claws is an awful one, I used to clip walts claws when he was a puppy and all was fine, then as he got to about 6 months he would pull his foot away and tuck all of them underneath himself (crafty devil) so then I tried the vets and for 3 visits it wasn’t too bad, don’t get me wrong he was hating every second but as long as I held him (tight) he was fine. Then last time happened. He tried to bite the nurse!!! And on went the muzzle and out came the frothy snotty phyco devil dog! I’m now trying to walk him on pavements more!
I have to say I met Mort and yourself at the Dachshund UN and he very nearly licked my face!!!!!! I feel rather honoured that I didn’t get barked at!!! =]
Yea, I can relate to the dreaded nail clips,tried everything including the pedi paws. Jake would scream like a baby when I tried anything, so off to the groomers! It’s done in a flash and it’s fairly cheap. I’m always very grateful to her and she gets a big tip because I don’t have to stress about it.
By the way, I now have 4 doxies again! He come from the local shelter and he’s such a sweet little boy. Someone threw him from a moving car…I can’t even imagine someone doing that. All dogs deserve a good home and I can’t think what he did to have that happen.
Lol. Mort’s nails look great. By the way, most groomers, not all, are pretty good so I am glad handsome Mort got his nails done. Most dogs do not like to have their feet touched and their nails cuts. I say this from experience with my dogs, but they eventually get used to it. The trick to do this by yourself, no groomer involved, happens to be: one, make sure that he is really, really tired, and two, don’t be nervous or afraid.
Love the jaunty paw!